今天朋友的生日，我应该感到高兴。
明天我即将回国，我应该感到兴奋。
但不知为什么，我哭了，今晚，我竟然哭了，一个人在酒店房间里，哭了一个小时。
自去年十月以来，我没这样稀里哗啦地大哭一场了。。。
是一种失落，还是一种发泄，又或是一种解脱？我不知道。
我开始哭是因为我无法从网上收听到我喜欢听的“聆听夜语”节目。
我又不是第一次无法收听节目，之前的都一一能“熬过”，但就是今晚，我被打败了。
我不求家财万贯，不求成名利就，不求朋友成群，只求能顺顺利利地听我所爱听的节目，难道这是一种奢侈的要求吗？为什么这样微不足道，小小的要求，上帝都不能让我如愿以偿呢？
原本是搭今晚的飞机回国，但时间与节目撞击，因不想错过夜晚节目，就安排明天回国。
傍晚赶紧离开客户的地方回酒店，买钟点上网，但谁知，广播台的服务器还是无法连接得上，我从七点就开始尝试，直到八点，八点十五分，我开始崩溃了，我突然像泄了气的气球，一击无法收拾，一边哭一边继续尝试。直到十点，我放弃了。
或许无法听到“聆听夜语”只是促使我哭的所谓“导火线”，而真正原因是这几个月来的紧张压迫生活，让我接二连三地不停奔波劳累，喘不过气来，压抑许久的压力怒气无法释放出来，因此，借此机会把它们全都发泄出来。
对不起，我不想这样的。
今晚没有“聆听夜语”的陪伴，周围显得一片死寂，冷清。。。
但不知为什么，我哭了，今晚，我竟然哭了，一个人在酒店房间里，哭了一个小时。
自去年十月以来，我没这样稀里哗啦地大哭一场了。。。
是一种失落，还是一种发泄，又或是一种解脱？我不知道。
我开始哭是因为我无法从网上收听到我喜欢听的“聆听夜语”节目。
我又不是第一次无法收听节目，之前的都一一能“熬过”，但就是今晚，我被打败了。
我不求家财万贯，不求成名利就，不求朋友成群，只求能顺顺利利地听我所爱听的节目，难道这是一种奢侈的要求吗？为什么这样微不足道，小小的要求，上帝都不能让我如愿以偿呢？
原本是搭今晚的飞机回国，但时间与节目撞击，因不想错过夜晚节目，就安排明天回国。
傍晚赶紧离开客户的地方回酒店，买钟点上网，但谁知，广播台的服务器还是无法连接得上，我从七点就开始尝试，直到八点，八点十五分，我开始崩溃了，我突然像泄了气的气球，一击无法收拾，一边哭一边继续尝试。直到十点，我放弃了。
或许无法听到“聆听夜语”只是促使我哭的所谓“导火线”，而真正原因是这几个月来的紧张压迫生活，让我接二连三地不停奔波劳累，喘不过气来，压抑许久的压力怒气无法释放出来，因此，借此机会把它们全都发泄出来。
对不起，我不想这样的。
今晚没有“聆听夜语”的陪伴，周围显得一片死寂，冷清。。。
Today, a friend's birthday, I should be happy.
Tomorrow I am going home, I should be excited.
But I do not know why, I cried tonight, alone in the hotel for an hour.
Since October last year, I had not been crying so badly. . .
Is a loss, or a vent, or a relief? I do not know. . I started to cry just because I was unable to listen to my favourite program from the Internet.
This is not the first time I can not listen to the program, I was able to "get through" everything, but tonight, I was defeated.
I do not seek wealthiness, do not hope for success on the fame and fortune, do not wish to have bunches of friends, but just simple as able to listen to the program every night. Is it really a luxury request? If not why does God unable to fulfill my tiny request?
I changed my return flight from tonight till tomorrow so that I would not miss the program. I left the customer place earlier so as to rush back to hotel to subscribe to internet access service and listened to program. However the broadcasting stations was down and not available for connection. I started trying the connection from 7:00 pm till 8:00 pm, 8:15 pm, and I began to collapse, as though like a deflating balloon, started to pour out.
Unable to listen to program might be just one of the reasons that brings me to tears, it could be the tension over the past few months, one after another non-stop exertion, unable to breathe, long suppressed anger and pressure, therefore, taking this opportunity to vent out all of them
I am so sorry about this emotional thing.
Tomorrow I am going home, I should be excited.
But I do not know why, I cried tonight, alone in the hotel for an hour.
Since October last year, I had not been crying so badly. . .
Is a loss, or a vent, or a relief? I do not know. . I started to cry just because I was unable to listen to my favourite program from the Internet.
This is not the first time I can not listen to the program, I was able to "get through" everything, but tonight, I was defeated.
I do not seek wealthiness, do not hope for success on the fame and fortune, do not wish to have bunches of friends, but just simple as able to listen to the program every night. Is it really a luxury request? If not why does God unable to fulfill my tiny request?
I changed my return flight from tonight till tomorrow so that I would not miss the program. I left the customer place earlier so as to rush back to hotel to subscribe to internet access service and listened to program. However the broadcasting stations was down and not available for connection. I started trying the connection from 7:00 pm till 8:00 pm, 8:15 pm, and I began to collapse, as though like a deflating balloon, started to pour out.
Unable to listen to program might be just one of the reasons that brings me to tears, it could be the tension over the past few months, one after another non-stop exertion, unable to breathe, long suppressed anger and pressure, therefore, taking this opportunity to vent out all of them
I am so sorry about this emotional thing.
I know what you felt when you want something very important for us and you cant despreate
ReplyDeletecrying is the best
thanks, sis.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling "much much better" after the cry, only side effect is having "goldfish eyes the next day. hahaha!
I believe it is a form of releasing the stress, the work frustration.
I am too impatient, want to get things done as soon as possible, and I take things too serious and always try to strive for perfection which I know it is impossible, thus giving myself unnecessary pressure.
I am thankful that I have missed the program and thus aware that I am still able to cry.
I thought you the same like my boy, abram.
ReplyDeletehe can be cry all day for something he want :D
One thing too much, I'd say. You needed to react. I'm glad it made you feel better, dear.
ReplyDeletemaybe, it was just the last straw that broke the camel's back...
ReplyDeleteif too many emotions build up over a long time, you have to let go (and cry, vent) at some time.
listen to your emotions.
sunshine!
and thanks for the kind wishes.
how did you know it was my birthday?
thanks ulla, I agree, somehow I need to strike a balance, but sometime I am really too stubborn.
ReplyDeleteyes, I would think so, have been accummulating for the past few months and no where to let go, no one to talk to, thus just burst out.
ReplyDeletehow do I know your birthday? ...emmmh....thinking......emmmm....still thinking...hahaha